Sunday, September 5, 2010

baby blues

For the first time last Aug. 27, I finally had my prenatal check up. I had to push myself to do it, first because of my fear of hospitals and second because I didn't want a doctor poking me with some instrument. But when I learned the Ob-Gyn I was going to see had a clinic, and that I was not going to be poked with anything alien but will just be asked some questions and given a few instructions, I was finally convinced to go see the doctor. 

It helped that Mon came with me. I wanted him there kasi I wanted him to hear what the doc would say para pag may nalimutan ako, he could remind me. At first it felt really strange to be sitting there in that clinic with the doc asking me questions pertaining to pregnancy. Para kong nag-out-of-body experience for a while. Ako ba to? Gising ba ko? hehe. For the first time in many years, I felt like a little girl again - excited and scared and giddy. We left that clinic with a prenatal booklet that I can't help reading from time to time. 

This early, hindi pa mau-ultrasound ang baby to see a clear image, so we were asked to go back 24th of this month. But I was told to have a trans-V ultrasound, which I still haven't pep-talked myself into, para masigurado kung ilang weeks na ba talaga ako (doc said 8 based on my menstrual cycle, i said no, maybe 5 lang. hehe)

I've heard a lot of stories from friends who have battled morning sickness and all that comes with being pregnant, but nothing prepared me for the actual thing. Everyday I wake up feeling sick. I push myself to go to work, but every night after coming home lagi kong prayer na kung pwede lang Lord, bigyan mo ko ng work that I could do at home coz now I really feel exhausted. Just waiting for public transport for 15 minutes tires me out. Walking, which I used to love, can now kill me I swear. I have a hard time quelling my nausea attacks, specially with my ultra-sensitive sense of smell. Food that people are eating sa kabilang department sa office makes my stomach do somersaults. Monmon's cologne gives me a slight headache (haha, sorry :p). The smell of coffee, would you believe it, makes me want to gag. Pero pag naaamoy ko lang sa iba, not when I'm the one making it. And my emotional intelligence is starting to be affected, too. I'm weepy and whiny and worried too easily, nakakainis. While I tell myself that the physical symptoms I have no control over, I don't want to give in to my emotional woes because I know they can be tamed. Kaso, ang hirap lang. 

I'm trying to trick myself into believing na lang na kunyari hindi ako preggy at wala akong nararamdaman, so i could fool my body into acting normally. But everything around me seems to be conspiring to constantly remind me of my state. Everytime I go to and from work, I see at least 5 pregnant women, in different stages of pregnancy. The latest brochure from Avon boasts of a new line of products that would be coming out soon - the Avon Baby line. At work, my officemates are obsessed with watching videos of babies. And women giving birth. Last night they decided to watch a video of a woman giving birth at home, complete with shrieks and blood and water bag. I almost fainted at hindi ko talaga naiwasan ang maduwal. Though I didn't look at the screen, sobrang laki ng monitors sa area namin that when you're working at your desk your peripheral view is sure to catch a glimpse of what's on the monitor next to you. Plus of course the sounds. I could never escape the sounds. The woman giving birth sounded like gusto na niyang mawalan ng ulirat habang nanganganak sha. Huhuhu. Natakot ako pramis.

Hay. It's a blessing that Monmon can be so patient with me especially when I'm craving for specific food I want to eat, or when I feel so sick that I have no time to talk to him cause I just want to sleep. But anytime now, I think maluluka na rin itong isang ito sa mga kalukahan ko. hehe. I'm just hoping this is just a phase that comes with the first three months, and after that back to some semblance of normalcy na ulit ako. Sana. :)

35 comments:

  1. Enjoy the roller coaster ride, mei! And I pray na safe kayo palagi ni bebegurl/bebeboy. :)

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  2. naglilihi ka na pala, mards. basta, alagaan 'nyo lang ni monmon si baby pat, and hopefully things will be fine. =O)>

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  3. ano pinaglilihian mo? :)

    may name na agad baby nyo? :) think of something that makes you hyper na lang para hindi mo maisip maduwal :)

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  4. Parang gusto ko na ring magbuntis.... NOT! Hahaha! Anyway, ate! Gawa ka ng pregnancy blog! Sige na. Diary siya ng adventures mo para may ipakita ka later on sa bebe mo. Hehe. Pinilit daw ba. Hahaha!

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  5. naman... it is my duty and responsibility to be with you sa mga ganyan. wouldn't want to miss anything din as much as possible. sagabal lang talaga minsan ang pasaway na sked natin sa trabaho. :)

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  6. opo, kaya nga hindi ko na nilalagay whenever i'm with you. sabagay, halos wala na din pala ako ilalagay kasi ubos na. sakto lang din, tipid. haha!

    yun lang sorry i cant do anything with the fabric conditioners sa damit. lahat ng damit ko ginagamitan at nalalagyan nun e. :(

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  7. Magtipid na rin daw muna sa fabric conditioner na yan! LOL!

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  8. onting tiis n lng matatapos din yang physical disturbances mo hehehehe... =D

    basta ingat lang kaw palagi. tigil tigilan muna ang pagiging pasaway hehehehe. =D

    at saka ung suggestion ni meyma gawin mo hihihihi :D with matching pictures... para ndi lng ke baby para me reference kmi in case turn n nmin =)

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  9. tipidin mo na din daw pati ang fabric conditioner hehehehe...

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  10. Uy, ingat ka talaga kasi sabi nila yung pinaka-sensitive din daw is yung first trimester kaya dapat sakto sa pahinga.

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  11. haha! sayang naman, kasama sa budget ni mader e. mabango naman in general, si meimei lang talaga may violent reaction minsan. lolz.

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  12. well, nakakabaliw na nga naman minsan pero don't bet much on me losing it totally. i'm slowly adjusting na din sa mga cravings at mood swings mo every now and then, i'm learning my lessons. at least alam ko na kung saan pwede maghanap ng mangga at hotdog kapag naisipan mo kumain. keber na lang sa lakaran galore. lolz.

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  13. Magdusa ka daw Mon sabi nung baby! Hahaha!

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  14. haha! oh well ganun ata talaga, may kanya-kanya kaming share ng windang moments, kasama na yun sa experience. hindi na ako magrereklamo ulit, alam ko namang mas nahihirapan ang mommy. habaan ko na lang siguro ang pasensya para sa kanila ni bebi. :)

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  15. Gawa na kayo pregnancy blog! Kasama ka Mon! Hahaha!

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  16. Kaya mo yan teh! Sbi nmn nla 1st 3mos lng daw yan. At shmpre lam nmn nmin lhat n dka pababayaan ni mon! Always take care pra ke bebe!

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  17. ine-enjoy ko naman tin, wag nga lang ako maduduwal at mahihilo in unlikely places gaya ng overpass sa leveriza o kya sa dining area namin sa office hehe. di pa naman kasi alam lahat sa ofc kaya hirap magpigil :p and yes, ninang, i will take care of bebe :)

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  18. 1st three months ang paglilihi pards, though wala naman akong specific na pinaglilihian na food. sobrang matakaw lang ako kaya kung anong maisipang pagkain, gusto ko agad. haha.

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  19. wala pa jas, pero like any buntis gustong-gusto ko ng mangga at alamang :D

    wala pang name si bebe, ang hirap pala mag-isip pag anjan na. pacontest kaya ako? :p

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  20. wahaha, ikaw ang gusto kong makitang magbuntis meyma! :P

    iniisip ko nga yang baby blog na yan, kaso sa sobrang tamad ko ngayon baka nakapanganak na ko't lahat di ko pa naa-update. kay tamad ko ngayon eh :p

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  21. kung pwede nga lang ikaw na lang din magpa-trans V instead of me. :p

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  22. between the two mas di ko keri yung cologne mo, kaya ok lang..nagpipigil na lang ako ng hininga pag naamoy ko ang damit mo :p

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  23. konting tiis na lang... mga 7-8 months na lang, haha. sabi nga ni mahal 9 mos ng PMS ito, hayayayaay.

    opo, di naman na ko pasaway. every other day na lang ang kape, isang tasa (hindi mug) na lang, at 8pm madalas tulog na ko.

    gusto ko nga rin yon, kaso lately sobrang tamad ko :(

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  24. kakayanin mare! :) sana nga first 3 months lang ito para naman hindi ako mabaliw, lalo na ang mga tao sa paligid ko. hehe. kakaluka minsan eh :p but yes, i will take care para kay bebe :)

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  25. ang sarap pakinggan ng ninang! love, love, love! :D

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  26. hihi, kakatuwa, si yoyce ganyan din reaction nung minsang tinawag ko ng ninang :)

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  27. sige peram muna ng matris mo. hahaha! joke. :P

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  28. I'm with you Mei. Totoo ngaung pag me gusto kang kainin tapos di mo agad nakain mawawalan ka ng gana. Pero panigurado maeexcite kang mag suot ng maternity pero di lolobo ang tyan mo hanggang hindi umabot yan ng 4-5 months. heheh

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  29. ako naman pag may gusto akong kainin tas di ko agad nakain, may iba na naman akong maiisip kainin! hahaha. takaw lang :p pero pinipilit ko na mag-diet kasi sobrang takaw ko ang laki na ng chan ko hindi sa bebe kungdi sa katakawan :p

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  30. Waaaa wag masyado kakain ng madami, tamo ko nahirapan ilabas si Carl. heheh... Ung OBY ko nga sabi nya bawal akong mag gain ng weight on my pregnancy this time. pano kaya un? hahaaha.... basta enjoy lang. pwedeng mag throw ng tantrums lalo na sa partner (acceptable un! hahaha)

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  31. sa dami ng nag aalala sau, prang gusto ko din magbuntis!!! hahaha... ingats.

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  32. parang natatakot nman ako magbuntis, pag ready na ko! hahahahahhaa. pag may migraine ako sensitive ako sa smell, pano pa kaya pag buntis ako? hahahaha

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  33. hehehe.. nagpipigil na ko magtakaw pramis. kung kakain man ako ng madaming-madami fruits na lang. :)

    ayoko na rin mag-tantrums kasi na-O-OA-an ako, hahaha! gusto ko chillax lang and good vibes everyday :D

    happy birthday Tikey!!!! :)

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  34. haha! ingat din po kayo tito roy! ni-message na po ba kayo ni Mon? :D

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  35. ay naku sistah (o sistah na ulit, wala nang Bro! lol) times 10 ang sniffing powers mo pag nagbuntis ka ahaha. pero i'm sure when that time comes hindi ka na matatakot, mae-excite na lang :)

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