Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie First Birthday tickers

Thursday, June 30, 2011

breast milk and answered prayers

I went back to expressing milk using a hand pump this afternoon. I think it's been 6 weeks since I last did that, and I honestly didn't know if I would get enough milk for a single feeding. Breast pumps aren't easy tools, and I'm using the manual one which makes it extra challenging.


I had been pumping for like 30 minutes and all I had in the bottle was maybe just a teaspoon or a little more than that; the milk was coming out drop by drop. Sigh. My hands were kinda tired now from pumping and massaging; I wanted to stop but I kept on. I need to have enough milk for Yohann's consumption tomorrow.

Another 10 minutes later and the milk started to come out in tiny spurts. Yahoo! I pumped for a total of 45 minutes and came up with a little over 2 ounces of milk (yup, ganun talaga, dadami din as I express on a daily basis).

After that I just realized, expressing breast milk is just like praying. You pray and pray and at the beginning find little fruit or answers to your prayers. Then you feel discouraged and you're tempted to give up and stop praying altogether. But when you press on, that's when you receive the breakthrough. See, you have to persist. So, keep on asking, seeking, knocking and your prayers, like my breast milk, will soon come to you. :)

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

bebe's growing up

Six Five more days and Yohann will be three months old already. How time flies! And he's changed a lot too.  His arms and legs are so chubby, his face is rounder and bigger, and so is his tummy. He's so heavy that it only takes 10 minutes for me to grow tired when I'm standing up and carrying him. Ke bigat!

He's learned new tricks as well. Every morning when he wakes up, he'll look at me and wait for me to smile and greet him good morning. As soon as I do, he'll make a wiggling motion complete with a big smile on his face and gurgling sounds, like he wants to laugh. He can't laugh yet, but he makes those tiny screams whenever I tickle him or make faces at him. When I sit him against my legs and talk to him, he coos and smiles and gurgles and screams in delight, hehe. It's as if he can understand when we talk to him because he answers. The other night too, while humming and dancing him to sleep, he kept staring at me while he was feeding. When I kept on humming, he started to hum with me! Too cute!:D Next thing I know he'll be humming himself to sleep :p

morning chat with mommy
One good thing about Yohann now is that he's awake for longer periods during the day and already enjoys playtime. I can put him down on the mattress and he'll stare at everything, kick and flail his arms and talk to his 'toys.' By toys I mean not the usual baby stuff, but the wall clock, the strings on his cradle, the calendar and the curtain :p They bring him  such fun he screams in delight when he's in the mood for them. When he gets tired of that, I carry him on my lap and let him watch Baby Einstein. He loves it! He was able to watch one 15 minute segment straight until he got too tired. 

watching Baby Einstein
I can't wait for the little munchkin to grow up and start talking, he's already such a babbler. I can't wait to take him to Kid's Church at VCF. But at the same time I can't imagine the thought of him all grown up and no longer a baby! Haha. Okay, I have to end here, the little boy's already screaming for mummy. :p

Monday, June 27, 2011

duty calls

Been meaning to post stuff here, but duty calls. Hands are full. Overflowing. Waaaah!!!

BRB.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

When Daddy cries

Yohann's almost monthly vaccination led us to research on immunization schedules, the vaccines being administered, and the price of each. So far, Yohann's had two shots of Hepa-B, BCG and the 5-in-1 thing. I tell you, they don't come cheap! :p

Yohann smiling in his sleep; 'la lang gusto ko lang i-share :p


Take for example his Hepa-B shot. This costs Php 1,000 per shot, and will be administered in 3 doses (do the math -- 1K x 3 = 3K). The 5-in-1 cost Php 2,500, I forgot how much the BCG shot cost. This weekend, he's getting his first dose of Rotateq - something for gastrointestinal health - which will cost Php 2,500. This is supposedly given in 3 doses, too.

We weren't sure if our pedia's charging us just the right amount so we did some research thru the net.  Sample prices:

BCG 750
HIB 1,800
Pentaxim 7,500 (3doses)
Rotateq 7,000 (2doses)
Flu 1,600 (2dose)
Measles 900
Hepa B 1,600

We couldn't help but laugh at the prices! This was from a Makati Med pedia, I think. Most of the vaccines will be given in two or three doses, some of them will be packaged together (5-in-1 and 6-in-1), and all of them are given at regular intervals, i.e. monthly. In our case, this means that every month we need to allot at least Php 3,000 and Php 5,000 at most for Yohann's immunization.

Raising a child is no cheap business. Yohann's already brave enough not to cry so much when the injection's done, but his Daddy is another story. This early, he's already starting to cry :p

Good thing is, God provides for all our needs. Hindi pa naman kami nagugutom, nananaba pa nga. Thank you, Lord! :)

Monday, June 20, 2011

multitasker extraordinaire!

Being a mom has taught me to hone some of my survival skills, the most important of which is multitasking, the ability to do several things at the same time. As I am alone most days, I have no choice but to learn some new tricks. Here are some examples of multitasking skills I just recently acquired:

1. Eat + breastfeed. With my one arm I hold Yohann, with the other I hold a spoon. Or just eat with my hands, whichever is more convenient.

2. Blog + breastfeed. I type with my right hand and hold the baby with the other. Takes me 48 years to finish a post :p.

3. Laundry + take care of baby. This one needs careful planning. I sort out the clothes beforehand, feed and let the baby sleep, load the washing machine, when baby wakes up I run back to take care of him, when baby takes a nap go back to rinsing the laundry. Loop 3 times until clothes are all washed. Which is probably a day or two.

4. Laundry + cook meals + take care of baby. In between doing the laundry and taking care of the baby, I do get hungry and will occasionally find time to cook something to eat.

5. Breastfeed + Sing + Dance. In order to make Yohann sleep, I occasionally have to do this.

I probably will add some more new tricks in the months to come :p

Dear Daddy

Happy Father's Day Daddy!

Mommy and I love you very much.


I can't wait to grow up and play basketball, go swimming and biking with you.

I love you Daddy!

Love,

Yohann

Saturday, June 18, 2011

No pain, No gain - Part 2

Since I wasn't producing enough milk to satisfy Yohann's hunger, my nips were cracked and hurting like hell, and Yohann's cries were already heartbreaking to hear, we already started feeding him formula. A nurse friend also told me to let the nips heal first before continuing with breastfeeding. I took that piece of advice with gratitude as by this time, they already hurt too much it was traumatic for me to even see Yohann wanting to take my nips into his mouth! Haha.

I felt good when I finally saw Yohann feeding, sucking on his bottle like there's no tomorrow. But I felt guilty too, especially when well-meaning friends cheered me on to just continue with breastfeeding, no matter how much it hurt. I had decided then that after taking the malunggay capsules and my sisters' concoctions and the milk would start to come in in copious amounts, that I would return to my original plan of exclusive breastfeeding and no formula. But several days later, it still wasn't working and Yohann seemed to respond well to his milk. I admit I almost gave up on breastfeeding, especially when I tried pumping milk and all I got was several drops after almost an hour. My breasts were already painful, and my hands numb but I didn't even get a single ounce of milk! It was discouraging, to say the least. It frustrated me, and made me feel like I wasn't doing a good enough job.

Thankfully, before I completely gave up on breastfeeding, I noticed that my breasts began to feel fuller and heavier; milk started to come out even when I wasn't feeding Yohann. I even felt feverish one day, and I realized this was because I was lactating and the milk wasn't being consumed. So I tried getting the baby to latch on me again. Little by little, the milk came in and I started pumping again. The first time I was able to produce 2 ounces, I wanted to jump for joy! 

Since then, my milk had consistently grown in supply. We adapted mixed-feeding with Yohann, gradually decreasing his formula intake as my milk supply increased. Just before he turned two months old last June 3, he decided he didn't want any more formula milk and wanted more and more of mommy's milk. So now, I exclusively breastfeed Yohann, and it looks like we're doing a good job out of it as he's grown so much heavier and bigger. He doesn't look like a two month old baby and he is fast out-growing his clothes. I therefore conclude that breast milk really is best for babies :) 

Friday, June 17, 2011

No pain, No gain.

Months before giving birth, I already discussed with the hubby my plan to exclusively breastfeed Yohann. Two reasons: 1. It's economical; 2. It's beneficial. Like the ad says, breastfeeding is still best for babies. I'd want to give my baby only the best, right? So we decided, breastfeeding it is!



The first time I got to try it was 1.5 days after giving birth. Since I had undergone CS, the OBG advised me to rest for a few days until I'm able to stand up, sit on a wheelchair, and carry the baby for breastfeeding at the room next to the nursery. When I finally did that was also the first time I saw Yohann. When I held him close to feed, it took us quite a while to get the hang of it, though Yohann was a faster learner than mommy. He knew how to suckle right away, while I didn't know if he was latched on to me properly. Sabagay, it's basic instinct for babies to suckle nga pala :))

Anyway, I was quite sure then that Yohann couldn't get any milk from me yet, as my OB said it could take a few days for the milk to come in. So, I continued to breastfeed him anyway to stimulate milk production. The first few days were okay, though once I called the nursery to ask for formula as Yohann was constantly crying. I figured he couldn't get any milk from me and was hungry already. Instead of giving him formula, a neonatal nurse went to our room to check on our latching, and to encourage me to just continue feeding him. She even pinched my nipple to show me that I already had milk, and that I just needed to stimulate production by feeding Yohann consistently. It was clear at first, with only a few drops coming out.

A few days after we went home, my nipples began to feel sore. One was already cracked and bleeding! But I had no choice but to continue breastfeeding Yohann since we left his formula at the hospital (or they intentionally forgot to give it to us). A couple of times I would let out a cry while feeding him as it really hurt a lot. I did not want to give up, but I could not bear to see the little boy crying from hunger. He wasn't getting enough milk from me. It broke my heart, so we finally decided to buy formula and give him a bottle of milk.

That's when my sisters intervened. One by one, they visited me and cooked tinola with loads of malunggay, or shells with loads of malunggay also. They also advised me to take malunggay capsules.

To be continued ...

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

when i'm feeling blue...

...all i have to do is take a look at you, then i'm not so blue..

how can you not smile when you see him sleeping
so peacefully, and his pata so chubby? :p

First-time mommies like me will admit having spent the first few days just staring and staring at their newborn. The first night Yohann was roomed-in with me, I didn't sleep. I watched over him the entire night to make sure he would not stop breathing lol! I did not even feel sleepy or tired the whole night, but the following morning was a different story :p

Watching over the little one is something moms love and are excited to do. At least for the first few weeks. After a month and a half of doing just that, instead of taking away the blues, it brought in a different shade of this heavenly color - the postpartum ones aptly named postpartum depression (PPD). I had blogged about my experience with this here.

Thankfully, I am no longer under the spell of this PPD thing, no longer feeling stressed out and frustrated, though I still take care of the little one all by myself on most days. But I still get tired, specially now that Yohann's grown so big and heavy. But I've fortified myself with weapons for when the enemy called PPD decides to attack again. 

Yohann's my number one weapon. Talking to him now is such a joy as he coos and smiles and answers back, as if he can already understand what I'm saying. When I talk to him, he gazes at me with his big bright eyes and I know he's listening and waiting for me to speak. Now, that chases the blues away in no time! 

We're also blessed to be living near a park. When the weather's good and there's not a hint of rain, I take the baby boy with me for a walk. This is good exercise for me as Yohann likes to keep moving. I walk him around several times, and pause only for a minute or two as he would start squirming in his seat when we're parked too long. Lol. Exercise is a good way to boost the mood and beat depression.

Some other days we would just wake up and decide that we're going out and visit Yohann's cousins or Lola Polly or Lola Rosie. When the hubby is at work during the day, we can go visit my sisters who, fortunately, live just a few minutes away from us. Yohann already likes going out and seeing his cousins, and I love how they love him too :) They say it takes an entire village to raise a child, and I'm taking that further to the next village where most of my relatives and loved ones live. Haha. Human company is definitely a mood booster!

I've also got he best human company to help me take care of Yohann - his daddy Mon. I appreciate how he is a hands-on dad, and doesn't think twice about helping me with the baby even when he just got home from work. Knowing that he'll never get tired of taking care of Yohann and me is something that I am most grateful for.

At the end of the day, the most powerful weapon in my arsenal is still Prayer. Knowing that I have God to hear me and help us in rearing our child is just the assurance that I need. Now, I just pray for wisdom in raising up our boy, and faith to believe that all things will work together for good and I have no need to be anxious or depressed at all.

Monday, June 13, 2011

blog me for a reason

I have been blogging since late 2004. Mostly as an outlet for my thoughts and opinions that, due to the nature of my work then, I couldn't just share with my friends. Since then, I have blogged about my daily drama, trips, rants and what nots - all to practice my right to freedom of expression.

Now, I started this blog for a different reason. These past two days I have been reading blogs of mommies who wrote about their experiences during pregnancy, one even wrote (thru an assistant) updates while giving birth, and others wrote of their struggles and joys in taking care of their baby. Reading all of them inspired me to chronicle my own journey as well. And so, I write to:

- Remember. No better way to preserve the memories of motherhood's joys than to put them down in writing, err, blogging with pictures to boot.

- Inform. Much of my friends are single ladies who, I believe, are soon going down the same path that I am treading. My own experiences could probably help them in one way or another, so I might as well share what I can.

- Encourage. The married life and motherhood are very challenging roles. My own journey has been filled with struggles and trials, some of which I wasn't really prepared for. Reading other mommies' blogs made me realize that I was not alone in them and that the things I went through were not unique, but rather a shared experience. Thus I drew strength from how these other women bravely faced and overcame each challenge they encountered. I hope to be an encouragement to future moms out there, too.

Though I do not claim to know all about motherhood -- I am a newbie mom myself! -- I hope that through this blog, I would be able to reach out to new moms like me, and if necessary, connect them to those who are able to give them the support and help that they need.

blogging you is easy 'cos you're beautiful...

Here I am again with a new blog. This time, I'm dedicating this site to my experiences as a first-time mom to Yohann. So expect a lot of anecdotes, rants, praise items, and yes, pictures of the little boy. :D

Hi, I'm Raphael Yohann and I'm Mommy's little boy! :)

As I write this, Yohann is sleeping cradled in my left arm. He's 2 months and 10 days old today and growing up way too fast! Maybe if I take time to write it all down, how he's growing and learning, maybe I could slow them down a bit. Definitely, it would help me remember the joy of being a mom for the first time.

Join me as I chronicle my new calling in life. :)

Monday, June 6, 2011

the battle with PPD

The National Center for Biotechnology Information of the US National Library of Medicine defines postpartum depression (PPD) as moderate to severe depression in a woman after she has given birth. It may occur soon after delivery or up to a year later. Most of the time, it occurs within the first 3 months after delivery.

Women commonly have mood changes during pregnancy, especially after delivery. These mood changes may be caused by changes in hormone levels. Many non-hormonal factors may also affect mood during this period:

  • Changes in your body from pregnancy and delivery

  • Changes in work and social relationships

  • Having less time and freedom for yourself

  • Lack of sleep

  • Worries about your ability as a mother


- - - - -

I had been wary of getting postpartum blues months before I gave birth. I remember having a convo with a friend who encouraged me not to succumb to PPD. Of course I said I won't, who wants to be depressed right?

But weeks after Yohann was born, I found myself face to face with an enemy called PPD. It was real after all. 

At first I didn't entertain it, but it slowly made its presence felt after the visitors and well-wishers had stopped coming to our home. When we had settled into our new routine - the Daddy leaving for work, me getting up and taking care of the baby - was when I started to feel the blues. Imagine me having to take care of the baby, bathe him, feed him, pacify him, change his nappies day in and day out. I had to do these on my own most of the time as we had no one living with us. I skipped meals a lot of times as I could not put the baby down long enough to cook a decent meal. To make matters worse, I was anxious that Yohann wasn't getting as much milk from me as he should because I wasn't producing enough. He was always latched onto me, sometimes falling asleep while feeding. And when I would put him down, he would cry and wake up. So I ended up carrying him the whole time as he slept (which was a lot!)

That was our daily routine. The only thing that changed was Daddy's working hours. It got more and more frustrating by the day, the fact that I couldn't put the baby down while he slept. The laundry was left in a huge pile, the house needed cleaning, bedsheets and pillowcases had to be changed. And one night, Yohann started to have these crying fits where nothing could pacify him. He would cry for 30 minutes to an hour, and I would feel so helpless not knowing what he wanted. He would eventually fall asleep, tired, his eyes puffy from all the crying.

It was during this time, too, that I had offers to work as a virtual assistant. I badly wanted to start working and earning again. However, with the way things were going, I couldn't spend enough hours on the laptop to do the needed tasks. This again left me feeling very frustrated.

It took me several weeks to finally break down and admit that I was feeling the PPD blues. One night the hubby came home and I broke down in tears, asking if we can go home to my sister so she could help me with the baby. That was the only time I told the hubby what I felt, so I guess he too was surprised. Much as I loved Yohann, I was feeling inadequate and helpless. And stressed out, too. This made me feel very guilty. I didn't want him to think that I was complaining and all, but I did feel tired, really.

I guess he felt sorry for me then, and next thing I knew, he called his mom to come and stay with us for a while. Ma had stayed with us previously, but had to come home after a week. I wasn't feeling anything yet at the time she was with us, but I did appreciate her presence. I had her to talk to during the day, and much to my embarrassment she took care of the cooking and the laundry while she was here.

So Ma came again to stay with us for several days. One day we were watching TV and I was carrying Yohann while he slept and fed. I told her, "This is what we do all day, Ma." She quietly replied, "Cherish every moment."  

Just like that, I felt the heaviness break its hold on me. I suddenly felt relieved. Performing my mommy duties no longer felt like an obligation. The realization suddenly hit me, Yohann will only be a baby for a short time, soon he'll grow up and I wouldn't be able to carry him like this any more. 

The feeling of helplessness and fatigue has already left me. We've already found ways to make Yohann want to be put down for naps, and he has been feeding adequately. He has gotten bigger and heavier, and yes, harder to carry for longer amounts of time. However, I've learned how to better take care of myself so that I can take care of him better too. I may be eating less, but I make it a point to at least eat something in lieu of a decent meal. He already sleeps through the night, which means I also get a good amount of rest. When we get bored alone at home, I run to my sisters' homes so we have some company to enjoy. Yohann has also grown more interactive and already enjoys being talked to. His waking hours are longer and playtime with him is something I look forward to. I still feel tired at the end of the day, but no longer frustrated and stressed out. I may not be working and earning anything yet, but mommyhood is full-time work.

Indeed, the best way to beat those PPD blues is to cherish.every.moment. :)